There are times when even the most serious wine critic has to become frivolous and today is one of those days….

Several years ago at VinExpo, I wandered into the tent hosted by Remy Martin Cognac. There, sitting at a handsome 18th century table was Julien d'Azuriaguerra, then I believe in charge of European distribution for the company and, to my surprise he was sipping a fine VSOP Cognac that had been mixed with orange juice and soda.

Understand please that I had at that time known Julien for well over thirty years and knew that to him as to me, mixing fine Cognac with orange juice and soda was nothing short of anathema. I looked on in shock and asked what in the world he was doing. So help me, a few tears fell from his eyes as he explained: "Rogov...only people of our age drink fine Cognac and we have to convince the young that it is the drink for them as well".

Before leaving the tent I learned recipes for mixing the finest Cognac with tomato juice (an abomination), with chocolate flavored milk (a horror), and with mashed and pureed bananas (an out-and-out catastrophe). On leaving the tent the air lightened around me and I thought that would be the end of that bad joke.

Harken, for just the other day a sample bottle of "La Belle Sandrine" was brought to my door for tasting. The front label tells me that this is an aperitif with Armagnac and passion fruit. A look at the back label reveals that in addition to those two ingredients this orange colored beverage also contains sugar, something called "natural aromas" and, eppaissaissants (thickening agents) that go by the romantic names of E446, E415 and E445. If that is not enough there are also coloring agents happily named E100, E102, E110 and E124. Nor is that the end because this true cocktail also contains three conservatives and one antioxidant.

I have attained that age at which it unlikely that any of those things will prove my demise so, as the bottle instructs, it was put in the refrigerator to chill quite well. And then I tasted it. I will gladly say that it doesn't taste bad. In fact, if the truth be told one would be hard pressed to say precisely what it tasted like, reminding me of those frozen ice things on sticks that kids refer to not by flavor but by color. And, I suppose that if some legally of age teenie-bopper wants to get drunk on this stuff (it does have a 16% alcohol content), there might be worse ways.

Be thee of good cheer, however, for I do have one truly good thing to stay about this beverage and that is to comment that the nymph that decorates the label is absolutely adorable and has what may well be the best shaped breasts I have ever seen.

Continuing, today it was my turn to receive a bottle of Sweet Carolina, a mixture of what is said to be sweet tea, lemonade and vodka. As instructed, the drink went into my freezer and then, after quite well chilled, over ice cubes in a cocktail glass. Oh dear.....not a hint of either tea or lemonade. What there was a beverage that tasted like somewhat coarse albeit considerably diluted caramel flavored vodka. About the best I can only say is that whomever buys this beverage deserves whatever he or she may receive.

On a somewhat (not very, but somewhat) more positive note, I also received a bottle of what I am told on the label is a Cranberry flavored "Baccardi Breezer". Oddly enough the ingredients are a combination (in this order of magnitue) of sparkling water, alcohol, Bacardi rum, taste and aroma ingredients, and half a dozen chemicals that start with the letter "E"

To my vast surprise, there is not a heckuva lot of Bacardi rum here, for after all the total alcohol content of the drink is 4%. And to my even greater surprise, not even a single drop of cranberry juice in this so-called "Cranberry" beverage.

As to what it tastes like, simple enough......strawberry soda. Not bad strawberry soda. Alas, it would take quite a bit of drinking to get drunk on this stuff and with that much liquid in the body I think one would have to be running to the men's or ladies' facilities fairly often so I really don't see it as the next great hit at bars.

By the way, Bacardi rum is just fine with me. This particular beverage simply contains so little of it that one wonders why all those hard working Cubans bother to cut down so much sugar cane. Oh yes.....in case of interest to anyone, the Bacardi Breezers are kosher.

There are those who feel that beverages like this make good gifts for friends.  My advice, save them for enemies!

Best
Rogov